Friday, February 18, 2011


[1] CELLPHONE TALKERS in groceries. I simply don’t understand why earthlings engage on freewheeling banters in enclosed public places (“Hey, I just bought a really inexpensive leather boots at Macy’s. It’s like, only $357—how awesomest is that?!” “Oh really, so did she break up with him. Oh my God, so he didn’t know what a wheelbarrow maneuver is?!? Turn off!!” “What, honey? Koolwhip? Do we need that???”).

[2] MOTORISTS who impatiently HONK HORNS on slight provocation. This is really silly. They think it’s macho. I seldom see a motorist who could excise 3 seconds of wait behind another vehicle at a go signal. What’s the problem, people? A lot of these impatience result in road rage. As early as 1997, therapists were working to certify road rage as a medical condition. It is already an official mental disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders
. According to an article published by the Associated Press the behaviors typically associated with road rage are the result of intermittent explosive disorder. This conclusion was drawn from surveys of some 9,200 adults in the United States between 2001 and 2003 and was funded by the National Institute of Mental Health.

[3] MOTORISTS who SCREECH tires. If they are not gangbangers, they’re homeys of Item #1: Desperado attention-grabbers. What’s the point? Angry with the road or just angry with being angry?

[4] RUDE FOOD SERVERS/waiters/waitresses. Let’s admit it. We tip really good if the server smiles like Meg Ryan, courteous like the Geico gecko, fast and efficient like Speedy Gonzales, and attentive like an erring kid who just broke the peanut butter bottle. But if your waitress/waiter pouts like a Donald Trump with a pair of Nancy Grace eyebrows, rude like a toll gate attendant with PMS, slow and clueless like a slug on hangover—don’t ever tip, even if you were dining in a New York City restaurant (where tipping is kinda obligatory, what is that?!)

[5] COUPLES MAKIN’ OUT or FIGHTING big time in public. Whatever they’re doing – swapping icky remnants of their last meal off their mouths or arguing over unpaid Netflix bills, this obnoxious and disrespectful actuation is just unacceptable, man! (that’s Cyd ranting.) Go get a room!!!

[6] HOLIER THAN THOU TV talk show hosts. Probably, it’s about subtlety and handling. But most of these talk show hosts reek with narcissism and BS. Many times they proclaim that they are just channeling the people/public’s heartbeat. I don’t think so—most of them have their partisan or commercial agenda. Why can’t they stay on the middle and just let the public speak? Their job is to preside or traffic or initiate public opinion, NOT promote and push their own opinion.

[7] NEIGHBORS who INCESSANTLY COMPLAIN of dogs barking five times. Dogs bark because they don’t talk like humans. So “barking” in babedawg language isn’t the same as we humans define the word. I don’t understand why we are so obsessed with pets but are so sensitive and touchy and upset when they start acting like animals. What if animals plug our mouths when we start yapping around like Glen Beck, would you like it? Just imagine how irritated they are when people argue so loudly…

[8] SUPER-LOUD, SUPER-ANGRY ACTIVISTS and religious bigots who judge and measure people from head to toe back and forth, up and down. There’s a thin line between advocating a cause and judging reality—so I am also working out ways to fight this obnoxious demon on my back. It’s impossible to convince and persuade people about a certain truth while we brandish a fire-spewing mouth. It burns. It’s more effective to appeal to the people’s collective heart and spirit if we do it benignly, anchored on peace and quiet.

[9] People who keep on TALKING (or yapping about) in CAFES (or venues) while a show is going on. I organize/produce shows and gigs—and also perform—so I am so sensitive and touchy about people not paying attention or simply don’t care (that there are artists onstage sharing some good stuff). The most that they could do is, as RuPaul hisses, “Please, sashay away… bitch!”

[10] DRINKERS who couldn’t keep still after 5 beers. The smoothest earthling (who drinks) is one who could still play it cool after 7 beers, can you do that? It’s a major turnoff to find drinkers who believe they should be understood or tolerated for a nasty girth just because they are drunk…

by Pasckie The Dude

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

SEVEN LINES that somehow confuse me…

YOU MIGHT think I’m talkin’ smack here, but I am stating facts or truths (at least, in regards weird conjectures and sweet fumbles that define my perpetually evolving great American “railway bazaar” journey). Believe it or not, when I am greeted with, “How are you doin’?” on the street (by strangers or acquaintances), I still response with a courteous, detailed accounting of what I’m actually doing at that time (“Oh well, I woke up at 6:17 this morning, had free-trade coffee, read NY Times, checked my Facebook for an hour, 17 minutes, and 35 seconds. Then, I sat down and pondered, what’s wrong with Katy Perry marryin’ this dude?… then, realized I needed to call my sister!”) Or whenever I stammer my silly island jokes and I get, “Get outta here…” I still meekly scoot out of the room… and feel so offended. The following, I purposely singled out those lines with kind of sexual connotations or subtext/s, or tell me…

[1] Let’s hang out and PLAY.
The catchword is “play.” But then, I can never tell what “play” actually meant… There were times when I stayed over in some of my female friends’ houses, had dinner, and played lots of scrabble and monopoly, till we dropped exhausted (after two glasses of red wine). In those instances, I slept on the couch almost automatically… and then, at the breakfast table, I am asked, “Don’t you like me?” So I meekly respond, “Of course, I like you!” (One time I was invited to do some gardening and “if it’s okay to play” with the water hose… uhh.)

[2] I REALLY like you!
What was supposedly a simple, uncomplicated, non-suggestive complimentary remark in a galaxy so far away—becomes a confusing invite and/or straightforward statement here. But I am not really sure, I can never be sure… are you? But then, it seems it’s a more honest come-on that an “I love you,” in most cases.

[3] You wanna STAY the night?
I never thought “staying” means sleeping in her bed. And “sleeping together” means sex. One time, I took a long overnight Greyhound trip to Adirondacks NY from Atlantic City—with a lady friend. Later, I was asked by friends what did you we do while on the night trip. I said, “We talked and slept together.” We did sleep together, shoulder to shoulder—and woke up together, as well. You know, what I mean…

[4] No strings attached but let’s be EXCLUSIVE with each other.
Apparently, we people don’t like to be in “formal/official” relationship trappings, right? Like, we don’t want jealousies, insecurities, arguments etc—all those corny boyfriend-girlfriend confections. Right? But we need to be sexually intimate when we need it… but then, we can be either jealous he/she might be screwing others or scared of catching STDs. So we say, “Let’s just sleep with each other, okay? But, remember, we are just friends… Do your thing and I do my thing.” Friends with (sexual) benefits, uh-huh.

[5] NOTHING SERIOUS, just havin’ fun.
So play the field… call me when you get “lonely,” let’s watch a movie, maybe cook together? Just having fun. Have sex, take it easy… just having fun. When it gets serious, fun over. Next!

[6] I LOVE YOU but I am not in love with you.
Why say, I love you, in the first place—if there’s such difference between “loving” and “in love with”? Or when it’s over—why can’t people just say, “I don’t love you anymore”? I think, when he/she just loves you and not “in love” with you—that’d mean, you’ve just become a DiGiorno pizza or Kings of Leon CD. God, I love that mozzarella! Oh yes, I so love Caleb Followill!

[7] Let’s HOOK UP.
Nah, I am not going to say it. At all!!!

--by Pasckie The Dude