Or, how to buck this thing called Depression (not necessarily in order...)
 Eat at least one "BIZARRE FOOD" dish: deep-fried lizard, iguana lasagna, duck embryo egg ("balut"), caked chicken blood barbecue, python adobo... You'd tell yourself, "What the hell, I can eat this, look! Olive Garden whatever!"
 In case you are in a relationship (“serious,” tho’ can’t figure what you mean by that, or “not serious,” whatever that is), TAKE IT EASY—you don’t need to super-analyze your life’s destiny just because you feel you might be in love (“I should not fall in love, hurt is next!!! My ex shattered my life!!!!!!!!”) or you are just enjoying your newfound freedom (“Ah, if I keep on seeing this guy/gal, I will lose my freedom?!? No, no, no! I haven’t bungee-jumped in the Grand Canyon yet!”). Life is flowing—enjoy, chill, relax: close your eyes, open your mouth a bit, and enjoy the kiss. Too much thinking of what’s gonna happen to you in the next 20 years, especially that you are already 90 years old this year—will just drive you to gulp in more Prozac Cocktail spiked with Absolut! When you do that, you’d be all dried up or limped, and your mouth will stink big-freakin’-time!
 Go over your old Bee Gees/SNF, Kool and the Gang and KC & The Sunshine Band vinyls and GET DOWN, shake your booty! Put on polyesters, shine yer boots, and DANCE, while hand-washing your car or mowing the lawn or cutting brush on your backyard. Who cares whether the Stepford Wives and Mister Smiths are watching? Was there a new City Council Resolution that bans dancing? Well, Kate Gosselin couldn’t identify her left foot from her right yet she danced on primetime TV… but then, she’s paid huge moolah for the gig, you know what I’m saying?
 PRAY. God is everywhere... whether you are at a Wells Fargo or Wachovia getting weirded out by the bank manager or walkin' nonchalantly downtown thinking about things that could have been, PRAY. It’s not like the Blue Sky God/dess is going to throw you a thousand dollar bailout in Harris Teeter coupons and Red Lobster gift checks… You see, praying means you are resting your spirit, you are feelin’ it, you are surrendering your inner “fucked up” to the divine but transcendent unknown.
 COOK. Don't throw all those Mission-supplied canned goods... that'll help you whip up some "designer chow" for poor pitiful you. Cooking is also an art, you know... Whenever I offer to cook for friends, they always say: “But, I am broke, I don’t have grocery money…” I say, “Let’s see what you got in your fridge and pantry... I’ll do epicurean rolling thunder supermagic!” Cooking is not eating per se, cooking is like makin’ love. The real pleasure happens during the process or flow, not after.
 THINK ABOUT PRESIDENTS of past administrations that sucked mighty. You will know that you could have done better. Or maybe think about Howard Stern on mohawks or your pesky landlady (who looked like Broomhilda on bad cornrows or Norman Bates' mom dazed with Maker's Mark). You will realize that, thank God--you are more beautiful. And less stressed out. Don’t Presidents have downtimes? Do they even make out with their wives without Fox TV hounding them?
 HANG OUT by a park bench somewhere crowded. Watch and observe people... look, most seem to be more unfortunate than your pouty ass, hah! I like watching expostulating wonderfully garbed human beings in America. Multicolored hairs of all imaginable cuts and shapes, clothes and costumes that defy interplanetary fad and fashion… fun! In China, all earthlings are dressed eeriely alike like an Orwellian production line queue; in the Philippines, a screaming cleavage means, uhh (I’d rather not say…)
 Tell yourself, "Gosh, The Bachelorette has ended already?" or "Ah, thank God, Ann Coulter isn't my neighbor!" or... just think of some gigs (that made you so depressed) that AREN’T REALLY HAPPENING ANYMORE or far away from you. Think that you have more peace and quiet than maybe billions of other children of humanity—in some faraway, forgotten land.
 Think Prozac and Zoloft are actually DISGUISED Cialis and Viagra. And Jagermeister with Diet Pepsi is a health drink (just kidding).
 Do FACEBOOK--it helps a lot delay depression...